Saturday, May 30, 2009

A miracle for me

I went in for what we thought would be my final beta today and come to find out it won't be my last at all.  My beta doubled from Thursday and then some.  Damn early beta!  A few theories are that two embryos implanted and one stopped growing which apparently can throw your numbers off or my body just hadn't fully metabolized the hcg trigger by 11 dpo.   Who knows, either way my prog and estrogen are also right on target so I know don't have to go back until next Wed!  

13 dpo- 33
15 dpo- 73.5

Friday, May 29, 2009

Miscarrying again

I found out on Tuesday that we were pregnant and my beta was 41, not too bad for 11 dpo.  As of yesterday my beta had already fallen to 33.  I go back one more time on Saturday to confirm the miscarriage and I am hoping my numbers will be around 15 or so at that point and the actual miscarriage itself will start soon.

Do we give up at this point?  Obviously something is seriously wrong.  Every time I manage to get pregnant I lose it, one m/c and 2 c/ps in the past twelve months alone.  A disaster IVF.  Maybe my eggs really are just shot to shit.  

Everyone keeps telling me this will make me stronger.  All infertility has done for me is...

made me lose my faith although I barely had any to begin with, made me fat, bitter for a while, lose my mind to the point that I was in therapy and on prozac last year(I have since stopped both),  made me question my worth as a woman, question my worth as a person because why can all of my clients get pregnant and I can't, and finally lose all hope that this will ever turn out any different.  

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Quick update

I had my hysteroscope a few weeks ago and all was clear.  That test hurt like a total mother and I almost passed out on the table. 

I triggered on day 18 with only one follicle and I go in for my beta next Thursday which is sort of hysterical but if that's what they want then so be it.

I apparently have one copy of a MTHFR mutation.  Being that its only one copy the RE said they are not going to treat it and I am assuming that is why my old office never even told me about it.  I don't really know how I feel about this and may just keep taking extra folic acid each day like they used to have me do when I was on the lyrica.  It can't hurt and I would rather feel safe then sorry.  I am on the fence about the baby aspirin and am going to ask my normal GP about it next time I see him.  

The last thing is the IVF coordinator is apparently giving the doctor my file today to do my protocol.  I am not sure when this would have been done but it just once again shows that when you want something done sometimes you have to call multiple times to remind them to do it.   My consent appointment is tomorrow and I am hoping my protocol will be done by then so we can discuss it and get the meds ordered.  

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Medical Records

The last thing I need done before my IVF work-up is complete is that I need to have my ob/gyn fax over a copy of my latest pap report.  No biggie.  I call today and they tell me that I have to pay for this one little peice of paper and that it is going to take them around three weeks to do it.   So I hung up without even leaving the message because three weeks will put me behind schedule big time.  I just called the IVF cooridnator and left her a message asking if they can just do yet another one when I go in tomorrow morning for monitoring.  I am hoping she says yes so I can finally get my protocol, I think that's the only thing they are waiting for.  My other thought right now is that there should be more than one clean pap record in the records that I had my old RE's office send my new RE.  I just had one done with them in October.  

The good news is that the office filled out all of my fmla paperwork and that was handed in to my boss today!  Now these appointments won't count against me on my yearly review which is helpful. 

Friday, May 8, 2009

Biopsies

I had 7 moles biopsied last week and all 7 came back with atypical cells in them.  The grades were one severe and then the rest were mild to moderate.  I have to have 7 separate "surgeries" because the insurance won't allow you to do them all at once which sucks.  I am ok with all of this now, actually glad that I went and that my doctor is so aggresive.  When I got home on Wednesday night and heard the message I totally freaked out.  They told me that they would just send a letter even if some were precancerous and that was the end of it.  So a phone call flipped me out combined with the fact that by the time I called them back there was no one there.   

I just thank whatever divine power that is out there that my face broke out so bad and I decided to go  now instead of in the fall like I usually do for my mole check.  I have to go every three months from now on until everything he biopsies come back benign, then I go back every 6-12 forever basically.  It might seem like a lot but if we can get rid of these when they start and never have a chance to become actual melanomas then I am game.  

My RE consult on Thursday was total bs.  We walked in and he told us that my day2 stuff all come back fine and that I passed the clomid challenge.  Well, we already knew that.  Then he said the only other problem could be genetic and that there is no testing for that so back to IVF we go.  No lupron at all this time, but other than that I didn't get a protocol.  We were in and out in 5 minutes.

That's not how they do it, its so scheduled at this new place to bring you in the max amount of times to get the max amount of co-pays.  I had the consent forms in my freaking purse for IVF but I have to go back yet another time to give those to the doctor.  So annoying but oh well.  Gotta keep these practices rolling in the big money! 

I go on Saturday morning for a hysterscopy, uterine sound(no idea wtf this is), cervical cultures, and for them to take my blood so they can do the ASA test with Chris' sperm on Thursday.   I had 17 vials of blood taken yesterday and Chris had 1.   Then I go back on the 21st for my all important giving the doctor the consent forms.  Luckily they fit me into when he is in Dover so I won't miss any work, really I might just bring them with me tomorrow and see what they say.  We have done this before, we aren't going to sue if it doesn't work, so please let me just stay at work!  Sometime after next Thursday I should actually be able to schedule my teaching class and get my drugs ordered so I have them for the teaching class.  

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

7.2!

That's my FSH level on day 10.  I passed the clomid challenge!  Woohoo.  I know this doesn't mean 100% for sure there is nothing wrong with my eggs but it is still promising.  Day 2 labs- all good, antral count- better than ever, and now I passed this.   I will be happy to never look at another clomid pill again, the 100 mg totally kicked my ass and my mood swings were out of control.  Totally out of control.

I go back tomorrow for another consult and I am hoping there we will talk about what protocol I will be doing with our next IVF.  I also find out if we are going to try this month since we did the clomid or if we will just let it go.  I am fine with letting it go and having sex if we want to.  We have done clomid, IUIs and IVF, its sort of hard to get your hopes up about 100 mg of clomid.

Friday, May 1, 2009

First clomid pill down the hatch

There may be some bitchy rantings on my blog this weekend but please try and ignore those;)  I don't remember being out of control on clomid, but Chris says I really was.  I thought I was totally fine and dandy the entire time, so maybe a side effect of clomid is also that you become temporarily delusional.

I have also done some reading on taking this dose and I think it is going to have to be more of a wait and see thing on how many mature follies I actually get.  Most women take 100mg and only end up with 1, 2 or 3 at most.  I guess it just depends on what my wacky body wants to do for the month.  It doesn't seem to be a double your dose, double your follies type thing so maybe I will just get a few beautiful, mature follies and get pregnant.  A girl can dream, right?  I crack myself up sometimes.