"I Could Do Anything, If I Only Knew What It Was"

Could there be a more perfect book title for how I feel about my career-life?  I bought this book of off amazon.com earlier this week and it came in the mail yesterday.  I dived into it during lunch and am finding that it is a great book for people like me.  The entire first chapter focuses on what you think other people want you to do.  Its always interesting to analyze the past and see how it affects your present.

One question that I always have issues with is what would I do if money did not matter.   A few years ago I would have said that I wanted to open a bookstore.  That dream has been shot down over the past few years for several reasons.  One is that people just don't shop at bookstores as much as they used to and at least around me, all of the smaller bookstores have gone out of business.  Issue two is the Kindle and other electronic readers . Chris has been telling me for years that one day soon bookstores are going to go out of style all together.  While I don't think that is entirely true when I found myself wanting a Kindle not too long ago I realized that he may be right.

Ok, so that is what I would do in a perfect world where everyone loves to read actual books.  I worked in a bookstore for years and loved it.  I love being surrounded by books.  Now we know that I love books and love to travel.   I also have a thing for writing papers, but I have obviously gotten out of practice.   I can't stand writing ficitional stories, but I love to read them.  Where do we go from here?  Well I just signed up for an online welcome to editing class at the local community college.  It's a start, even if it is a total bust, it is still something different.

In other news this morning I completed the Self-Slim and Sleek Fast video.  It was had a lot more dancing then your regular aerobic video so the gymnast in me naturally dug it.

01/15/2009

I can't believe we are already half way through January!  I am wondering if we have off next Monday for MLK day.  I am going to have to look into that so I don't show up to work . That would be lovely.

Since our ttc journey has come to an end, my blog will no longer be an infertility blog.  I think my blog is now going to follow me through my 2009 goals for the year.  I need some serious changes to take place to get out of this "I hate IF, I hate my body" rut that I seem to be stuck in.  Goal #1 is to lose 15 pounds this year so I can get back to my wedding dress weight.  Along with that goal, goal #2 is to do some sort of excercise besides walking the dogs everyday.  I thought I was going to try couch 25k and even did it one day that I had off of work.  The next morning it dawned on me that is pitch black out when I wake up so I was going to have to come up with a new plan.  Goal #3 is to work on my self esteem issues that have gotten way worse over the past two years.  Finally, goal #4 is to try and figure out what I want to do with myself, career-wise.

Week one:

-I ordered some career books to read through, one having to do with jobs that require travel.  I love to travel, but I thought we were going to have kids soon and never even considered a job that required travel.  

-I jog/walked Monday, did yoga on Tuesday, and rode the bike on Wednesday.

-Ordered a self esteem book since counseling does not seem to be helping in that arena. 

The best thing of the week is that with working out I am not at all sore, athritis wise.  It is so nice to be sore from exerting yourself and not from just being me.  

WTF appointment update

It didn't go so well.  The first thing the doctor said was that he was sorry to have to give me such bad news on the second day of the new year.  Then he asked me if I lived near something toxic, worked in a factory, if my parents worked in a factory, my diet, ect.  My embryos looked like embryos of patients in their 40s.  My fsh was perfectly fine, my antral count was good so it is all a mystery.

He wants to try a different protocol but there was no hope that it will work any better.  He doesn't think it's possible that every single egg I have is bad, but they just don't know.  DH wants to try IVF again and I did too while we were on vacation.  Then our ship docked and I had a panic attack just thinking about doing it again with such low chances that it will work.  So...we will always try naturally because why not but as far as treatments go I am done.  Maybe in a few years we will try IVF again but I am just not seeing it.

I will write an indepth post about my awesome vacation later in the week when I have more time!