2dp6dt

I actually have no idea if they are considering my transfer at 5 or 6 days as I am not sure which batch this embie came out of! So its on or the other.

We have deduced that the "rash/burn" on my ass from the shots is exactly that...freezer burn. Yes, I am an idiot. I try and get my butt so cold so that the shot won't bother my hips that I actually freezer burned myself. I am so smooth!

Other than being super tired and ready for bed at this second I don't have much to report. I have been cramping slightly off and on since yesterday afternoon. Time will tell if its implantation or just yucky cramps. My e2 and p4 levels are fantastic even though I stopped my meds for two days so there are no worries there anymore. Testing will most likely commence next Monday.

What should be going on day by day

0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
5dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining, has placenta & fetal cells
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

Maybe it's not the end...

So after my doc pulls me off of all of my meds yesterday he called me this morning to tell us that one embryo did in fact self correct and was now at the correct blast stage. He said there were too many cells to count and that it was good quality. He assured me he wouldn't push me to put it back if it wasn't, he said he asked them to self correct and the one did which I thought was cute.

We are shocked but realistic. We did decide over the weekend that we would not try the clomid IVF as my doctor suggested. If this doesn't work then we are going to go on to whatever's next but at least now I have some hope that not every single one of my eggs is intrinsically bad so just maybe if this doesn't work we will eventually get a surprise.

Edit- We transfered it already this morning!

The end of a journey

The doctor called me himself Saturday and Sunday mornings...always a bad sign. All of my embryos cleaved again over night and have become very fragmented. They are going to watch them a few more days to see if they "self correct" but we all know they won't so I am coming off my meds today.

There is no point in trying an overstimulation cycle of IVF again, but he wants us to try a clomid IVF cycle with him. He believes my ovaries just don't have the capability of feeding that many eggs at once. So no shots, no crazy hormones besides clomid, just 2 eggs under the scope. If they all cleave also then its a frigging miracle I got pregnant four times as it is because that would be mean I have an intrinsic egg issue.

Chris and I talked about the clomid IVF cycle a lot over the weekend and we have decided that its not something we are interested in. Minimal stimulation IVF cycles have dismal success rates and to do this just as an experiment isn't a good enough reason for me. At the end we are going to end up with the same response we got from the last doctor, "you may have one good egg in there and you may eventually get pregnant on your own." So why bother going through more ridiculous bullshit.

I am ok during the day but have been crying myself to sleep at night. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I will most likely never ever have children. Never. Insane.

Chris really wants to use a relative's donor eggs years down the line and not an anonymous one. First off, I think its funny that everyone assumes my sister would even offer in ten years or whatever. She is a lot younger than I am, plus who knows how much better her eggs are plus it would be there kid, not mine. Oh, and I mind as well say it now but I hated being pregnant with a firey passion. It is probably because I knew at any minute it would all go to shit so I was never able to actually enjoy it.

I will eventually start to crack open the adoption books, but again money is a major issue. Oh well, we can adopt at any age.

Day 2/3 Fert Report

So we are not going in today for transfer but we may be going in tomorrow. We lost one more yesterday from the rescued embryos and the rest are as follows...

I have a 6 cell and a 3 cell that are day 3ers. The 3 cell is behind but they are going to check the 6 this afternoon to see if its gone to an 8.

I have a 5, a 4, and a 3 that are day 2ers. That 3 is also clearly behind also but the 5 and 4 look good and they think they will be 8s by tomorrow.

So we may end up with 3 to transfer tomorrow. 3 on track embryos, who would have thought. I just googled and my day 2ers are right on track! After they check them out again later this afternoon I have to check my mailbox to see if and when they want me to come in.

Day 1/2 Fert Report...

Amazingly enough all four of the eggs that they rescue ICSI'd yesterday made it and are now embryos! I actually said holy shit to the coordinator. Two of the three that are on day 2 today are still going so we now have a total of 6 embryos still growing.

They are going to check out the 2 that are still going tomorrow and decide if they want to put those back or if they just want to wait until Saturday or Sunday once they get a better look at what is still growing out of the day behind ones.

So my "revised" fert report was...

12 retrieved

10 mature

7 fertilized

7 out of 10 fertilized is within the normal range of percentage that should fertilize with ICSI. Very happy about this.

Fert report in...and apparently my eggs just do suck

12 eggs retrieved

6 mature

3 fertilized

So basically, its over. They will call again on Friday to see if there are any left. New doctor, new protocol, worse results.

Met with the RE yesterday

I finally got to meet with the doctor himself during this cycle which was great. I love my nurse as you know but it is always nice to get the "real" perspective on how this is going. He didn't blow any smoke up my ass which was nice and said that he won't get anything good from the left and is hoping that half of the right are mature. That leaves us with um, yeah 4. So we basically are not too hopeful, but I am glad that I am not going in tomorrow hoping for 10 mature eggs and only ending up with 4. If we get more that will be great but if we only end up with a few than we won't be disappointed.

All we can do now that those few that are mature fertilize into decent embryos. My fert rate just has to be higher than half this time, my embryos really have no other options then to fertilize and become beautiful embryos. I am going to have a little talk with them tomorrow from afar.

Treatment day 7

Last night was the 6th night of stims...Two of my follies shrank back to 10s. I have 2 on the left that are now 15 and 17 in size. I have 8 on the right and they are all in the 17-20 range. The nurse said I need to chillax because being so upset is not going to help matters. Bottom line is my scans look great...if I was on day 8 or 9 of stims, chances of good quality right now aren't very high. They will review my bloodwork later today and see if they can push it another day or not. We are all in agreeance though that if this yeilds poor quality, fragmented embryos again that nothing will be put back.

So basically I need to find my zen for the next few days.

Stimming to quickly again

Ugh. My E2 jumped from 225 to 600 in two days. Today is just day 6 of stims. They are trying to push me to trigger on Saturday which is only 7 days of stims again which as we all know does not bode well for quality which is my major issue. My new RE lowered my doses considerably so they are pretty shocked this happened again.

Well, at least it will all be over soon I guess.

Ouch!

I just got back from my second follie scan and I keep repeating the mantra quality over quantity. After 4 nights of stims I have 7 follies on the right side measuring between 14-17 and 1 18. On the left I have 3 measuring between 13-15. Eleven total isn't bad, but I can't say that I am not a little bit disappointed. My AFC was triple what it was last year and I have less eggs cooking. I realize I have absolutely zero control over this so it is what it is and hopefully one or two of those are decent quality.

I took my third menopur shot last night and had a reaction almost immediately. It's very similar to the reaction I had last year to ovidrel. I have a baseball sized welt and it feels like a burn, I am just hoping it does not bubble and peel like the ovidrel reaction site did. Showering was super this morning when I realized that I basically can't let water hit the welt. The bitch of the situation is that tonight is my fifth night of stims and I most likely won't be stimming for much longer so they aren't sure if they are going to do a med change or not. Three or four more of these welts all over my body is not something I can admit I am looking forward to...hopefully it will all be worth it in the end. Tonight I am supposed to take benadryl 30 minutes before and basically pray it doesn't happen again.

1st follie scan update

I just got back from my first scan and my follies look great. 21 measurable follies after three nights of stims. So all good there.

The issue is that my period is off the hook(I was on prometrium for 7 days post ovulation last month). I woke up to what looked like yet another murder in my bed. At my baseline on Saturday my lining was still 9.4. Today my lining has thinned out by I still have a pocket of blood at the bottom of my ute that is waiting to come out. My nurse said that my follies won't take off until the blood is gone. She is going to talk with the doctor today but she seemed concerned. Have you ever heard of a IVF cycle being canceled because the patients period still wasn't done yet on cd5?

Update: The new coordinator called me back...as my mailbox was not properly set up. LOL, come you have to laugh at that. Everything looks great so far, yes I am still bleeding but its not completely uncommon. If my lining hasn't plumped back up by retrieval they will put me on Estrace. I am going to start drinking POM juice as soon as my period is over as that always seems to help with lining also. So all is well and the new coordinator was wonderful.

Reassurances

Celina, my wonderful nurse called me back today and tried to calm my fears about the coordinator and this cycle in general. She said that the coordinator is never this bad and she really isn't sure what is going on with her. As far as she can tell this is what is going on...

1. When I talked to coordinator this morning she stated that there was an issue with my bloodwork..and that was it. She did not elaborate. Celina stated my bloodwork looked great and the only troubling thing was that my lining was still very thick. My period has been super heavy the last three days so we are both sure that tomorrow's lining check will go much better.

2. Celina believes I was supposed to take my doxy this week and not last week, although she said there is no reason why last week wouldn't be fine also. She isn't sure why coordinator ordered two scripts for me. The zpack is for the day before retrieval and four days after. Again, she is unsure as to why coordinator did not know this when I asked her.

3. I should be on baby aspirin. Newsflash there as I was never told that.

4. I start taking the Medrol the day after transfer, I remembered that from last time.

5. I should have been given a packet and all IVF patients should be given a packet with a calender. This packet does include how to set up a mailbox so she is going to set up my mailbox today and show me how to use it tomorrow.

6. I "should" get paperwork at my retrieval that gives me all of my transfer/post transfer med instructions. Time will tell if I actually get it or not.

So in the end I am feeling much better than I was this morning. Celina profusely apologized stating that part of the reason I switched clinics was for better service which I am obviously not getting. I appreciate her saying that because she is absolutely right, with the exception of her and Donna at Milford, there service does suck and at least at the other clinic I knew exactly what I was doing in regards to my cycle and so did the coordinator if I had a question. Celina told me again that she was going to call the new coordinator on the down low and ask her to take over my case completely. Now, I have heard this a few times before so we will see if it actually happens.

I am such a post whore during IVF

Warm and fuzzy feelings

Are not something I get from my new clinic. I just spoke with coordinator from hell who said she was sorry there was no paperwork ready for me on Saturday and that there is no point now to give it to me. This clinic hands out zero directions for what you should be doing when. They never hand out calenders or sample calenders. They give you NO directions on things you should and should not be doing while stimming such as no unprotected sex or exercise. WTF...OMG..STFU...I can't think of any other acronyms at this point that would tell you how I feel about this. What if this was the first time I was doing IVF, how would that even fly?

I just called my awesome nurse at my satellite office and am waiting for her to return my call. I need to know if she actually can set up a mailbox tomorrow morning for me or not so I am not wasting my time driving an hour south if I then am going to have to drive an hour and a half back up north to set up a frigging mailbox. Then will the mailbox even work, will anyone call it, or will I be calling the emergency line at 4 needing my instructions. I am so over this clinic. It's a good thing I have heard such great things about this doctor and that I have no other in state options or I would be taking my drugs elsewhere.

Oh, she also mentioned in our first phone call this morning that I am allergic to hcg triggers. Um, no I am allergic to something that is in Ovidrel specifically, not all triggers. Considering I triggered from your office during the clomid challenge you would think she would know I am not allergic to all triggers. She had already disconnected the call before I could even process what she was saying. I then of course called back and left a message, she called back but when I picked up no one was there. I then call back yet again leaving another message asking for a return call on if the trigger information is now straight.

Baseline and Stim Start!

I went in for my baseline today and for once everything looked great. My AFC was 20, where last time we did IVF it was 7. E2 and FSH looked great according to the nurse so I didn't even bother asking for the number. I start Follistim only tonight on a much lower dose than IVF #1 and am adding in Menopur on stim night #3, which should be entertaining as I have never used Menopur before. From what I remember I believe DH starts his doxycycline today but truthfully I am not even positive about that but at this point what could it hurt.

The hilarity at this point with my coordinator continues though(the new coordinator apparently has not yet taken over). The nurse today told me to wait in the room and she would go get my written instructions...no shocker here but the coordinator failed to put my packed together. No problem, we will leave the directions for tonight in your mailbox...yeah she never set me up with a mailbox. If I had not previously done IVF I most likely would have had a massive meltdown in their offices today. So I left with no written insturctions, no mailbox to retrieve my messages, nothing. I am trying my best not to stress about it...my feelings toward my coordinator will not affect the outcome of this IVF...

Day 7

I am chugging right along with my estrace, prometrium, doxycyline, and dex cocktail. It worked out that I started this on the 1st of the month so its been very convienent so far in trying to figure out where I am in the cycle according to what day it is. The side effects are nothing compared to when I was on lupron but either the doxy or the prometrium is kicking my stomach's ass. I am taking everything with food but I am still as nauseous as hell.

My only other issue is that the massive increase in estrogen is throwing my anxiety into overdrive. Luckily with all of the therapy I had last year I am able to keep it in check, it's just an annoyance at this point to be worrying about silly things like the oven.

Well my stomach is growling so I am off to go get a bobbie! I'll most likely check back in after my baseline which will most likely be next Monday or Tuesday.

Blonde Moments

I decided it would be fun if I took a picture of my IVF meds tonight so I could compare it to my first picture. Upon pulling everything out I realized she didn't order me any subq needles for the Menopur. This, of course does not shock me in the least bit. Just yesterday I had to run to Target twice because she was supposed to call in 4 perscriptions but only called in 3 so I had to go back later in the day to pick up the fourth. So now I am going to have to call her yet again on my way to work to see if she can't get the needles ordered for me.

Updated: So I realized this morning that I was wrong. The 25 guage needles she ordered for me are subq. She didn't order me the two sets of needles for PIO like I had last time, I mixing needle and then one for the actual injection. I am thinking the type of oil it is in this time isn't as thick and that is why it doesn't require two separate needles. Anyway this is what happens when you don't trust your coordinator. I automatically assumed that she ordered me the wrong things. I emailed her this morning and told her I was having a blonde moment and to disregard the email I sent her asking her if I had all the right needles. Oh well:)

We're off to the races...

Current meds:
1000 mg of Vitamin C
Dexamethasone- start every other day
3 mg of folic acid

Estrace- 2 per day

We finally have an updated plan. I am on quite a lot of shit pre-IVF! In four days I am adding doxycycline and prometrium to this cocktail for 7 days. I should then get my period three days after that and I go in on day 2 for a baseline! I can tell the doctor has been very involved in this udpated plan as it looks nothing like my original protocol so I am quite happy.