Wednesday is hands down my favorite day of the week. C and I have a lunch date every Wednesday afternoon and we always go to the same Mexican joint. I just love it. Chicken chimichangas, cheese dip, crappy nachos...there is not much better in life than eating here. I had a rough time last week when we went because all I could think was last time we were here I was pregnant. It has now been two weeks and I am feeling much better although I am not sure about my husband. He was the one who initially pulled me through and now he is having so much trouble expressing himself and how he feels about the miscarriage. Whenever I ask what is wrong, he just says the baby. The stats our on our side that one of these will work, that is what I keep telling him. Plus the next one will be baby C and that is the start of his first name so there you go. I also bought a memory box this weekend and put all of baby B's things into it. I have to finish writing in the pregnancy journal about what happened but there is no rush. It is not like I am going to forget anytime soon.
In other news, I stopped bleeding last Friday and as of today I am already having O pains. I am on cycle day 10, so I should ovulate any day now and then after I get my period we can get on with the fun stuff. I know I haven't blogged much recently but with the constant visits I am going to need a place to "talk it out" and this is going to be it! Get ready for the daily craziness that is me.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Update
I haven't posted on here since we found out that we were pregnant so you don't know that we miscarried at 6w5d due to a blighted ovum. It's been two weeks since we found out that there was something wrong with our little peach. The gestational sac grew, but nothing grew inside of it. The RE said it was most likely due to some sort of chromosomal error.
Now we wait a month and then we are starting clomid next cycle. I am excited and scared to death at the same time that I will lose it again. Next time around we are not going to tell anyone until we hear a heartbeat and I don't think we will tell work until the second trimester.
Surprisingly enough I have not had trouble working which is a shocker since I work at the welfare office. I think I became numb to my clients a long time ago. People who are pregnant and don't want their kids bother me but they would probably bother me either way.
Our Memorial Day party was a pretty large bust. All of my friends showed, but C's didn't. One of them showed but the rest did not. We wasted so much money on food and beer and that will for sure be the last time we throw a major party again. That was the last thing Chris needed, he is upset enough as it is about the baby and then his shithead friends don't show to the party after they all said they were coming.
The dickheadest thing told to us about the miscarriage was from my friend's mother. She said now that we can get pregnant we need to work on our Karma for the rest. She claims to not know what it means, but she used it perfectly in the sentence so I am just not sure what to think. Her daughter and I haven't gotten along great for quite a while now but I still think that was uncalled for. Oh well.
Now we wait a month and then we are starting clomid next cycle. I am excited and scared to death at the same time that I will lose it again. Next time around we are not going to tell anyone until we hear a heartbeat and I don't think we will tell work until the second trimester.
Surprisingly enough I have not had trouble working which is a shocker since I work at the welfare office. I think I became numb to my clients a long time ago. People who are pregnant and don't want their kids bother me but they would probably bother me either way.
Our Memorial Day party was a pretty large bust. All of my friends showed, but C's didn't. One of them showed but the rest did not. We wasted so much money on food and beer and that will for sure be the last time we throw a major party again. That was the last thing Chris needed, he is upset enough as it is about the baby and then his shithead friends don't show to the party after they all said they were coming.
The dickheadest thing told to us about the miscarriage was from my friend's mother. She said now that we can get pregnant we need to work on our Karma for the rest. She claims to not know what it means, but she used it perfectly in the sentence so I am just not sure what to think. Her daughter and I haven't gotten along great for quite a while now but I still think that was uncalled for. Oh well.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Plans are stupid
Who needs a plan anyways? C's work has offered to pay for him to go back to school and get his masters. I am totally on board for him to do this. Free school, there is no guarantee that his next job will offer that also. Plus he has been talking about going back to school now forever.
I finally hit up the RE to find out what was going on with my crazy bleeding/clotting issues. They think I had an early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy back in January. I am not shocked, the thought crossed my mind but we were in Canada so it wasn't even possible to call the RE to go in and see them at the time. It's better that we will never know for sure. So, it just might be possible for me to get pregnant even though it took like two years and then I just lost it anyway. The RE wants me to switch vitamins to a perscription one in case I am not getting enough B6. They did bloodwork yesterday to see where my hormones are at now but I have not heard anything back yet. My u/s looked good so that is always a good thing.
I did not go back to work yesterday, I just chilled on the couch and watched the Lord of the Rings with my puggers. In other news I pixie cut my hair, which looks awesome and I had out of this world sex last night. Lovely.
I finally hit up the RE to find out what was going on with my crazy bleeding/clotting issues. They think I had an early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy back in January. I am not shocked, the thought crossed my mind but we were in Canada so it wasn't even possible to call the RE to go in and see them at the time. It's better that we will never know for sure. So, it just might be possible for me to get pregnant even though it took like two years and then I just lost it anyway. The RE wants me to switch vitamins to a perscription one in case I am not getting enough B6. They did bloodwork yesterday to see where my hormones are at now but I have not heard anything back yet. My u/s looked good so that is always a good thing.
I did not go back to work yesterday, I just chilled on the couch and watched the Lord of the Rings with my puggers. In other news I pixie cut my hair, which looks awesome and I had out of this world sex last night. Lovely.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The Plan...
We finally have a new plan...we are planning on moving. Things just aren't right here. I am all hopped up on prozac, I can't get pregnant and still am not sure that DH is even ready, I hate my job and there is a hiring freeze, plus we are going to make mucho money off of our home to take with us.
This move won't be at least for another year. C needs to work at his new job to get in his experience so that he will have an easier time finding a job when we do move. The house also still isnt' done yet but should be by the end of summer, early fall. So far we looked at South Carolina, but their economy and school systems suck so that is out of the question. Then I looked at North Carolina and Ohio. We still have not been out to my parents in Ohio but we will eventually get out there. The town that we are excited to go visit over Labor Day weekend is Raleigh, NC. The houses are cheap compared to where we live now, the economy is still booming, and I don't think we will have too much of a hard time finding a job. There is so much to do there also, plus the skybus goes directly from Wilm, to Greensboro, and to Columbus, OH so that is totally perfect. Depending on gas prices we are either going to fly or drive down on Friday and then come home on Monday so that we won't miss any work. If we like it, we will move forward with that being the plan and if we don't then we will find somewhere new.
I am so damn excited, I can't even tell you. I wish we could go sooner, but the only other long weekend we have coming up is when we are going to Vegas. I am praying that this, or somewhere else works out. I really need a change. If we move, I don't even care if we push back the baby plans. I actually think it would be smart.
This move won't be at least for another year. C needs to work at his new job to get in his experience so that he will have an easier time finding a job when we do move. The house also still isnt' done yet but should be by the end of summer, early fall. So far we looked at South Carolina, but their economy and school systems suck so that is out of the question. Then I looked at North Carolina and Ohio. We still have not been out to my parents in Ohio but we will eventually get out there. The town that we are excited to go visit over Labor Day weekend is Raleigh, NC. The houses are cheap compared to where we live now, the economy is still booming, and I don't think we will have too much of a hard time finding a job. There is so much to do there also, plus the skybus goes directly from Wilm, to Greensboro, and to Columbus, OH so that is totally perfect. Depending on gas prices we are either going to fly or drive down on Friday and then come home on Monday so that we won't miss any work. If we like it, we will move forward with that being the plan and if we don't then we will find somewhere new.
I am so damn excited, I can't even tell you. I wish we could go sooner, but the only other long weekend we have coming up is when we are going to Vegas. I am praying that this, or somewhere else works out. I really need a change. If we move, I don't even care if we push back the baby plans. I actually think it would be smart.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Six Years
My husband and I have been together for six years. Can you believe that? I know some people that got married, divorced, and remarried in the amount of time that we have been together. It does seem like just yesterday when we met in college. We have had our rough patches throughout the years like everyone. We went to counseling in college because I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry someone who didn't want kids, we figured that out are now are infertile. That's a kicker. I thought for sure we were going to kill each other when we began renovating the house but even that seems like it was years ago. I became obsessed with not getting pregnant last year and that took a definite tool on things but he got me back into individual conseling at that has sorted itself out for now. You know what it is, my husband and I make each other laugh. We get a kick out of how each other's minds work and believe me not everyone would find us funny. Maybe it's that we were friends first, or it was our long ass engagement but whatever it was it just works.
Question of the Day
The question of the day from C yesterday was why do some things work out and some don't. Then if it isn't working out when do you say enough is enough. I simply don't have an answer in the relationship arena. I can answer it in the baby making arena. Enough was enough for me after two years because it was consuming my life and I was depressed. He seems to think that enough is never enough, and I think he is delusional because of what he saw as a child. His dad was a dick but his mom still was happy when he actually was around. Does that mean she was happy all of the time and it was worth it to stay with him? I don't think so, but his mom is totally out of it so that probably isn't a good example. I think some times you just need to cut your loses and move on so of course now he thinks I am going to divorce him for no good reason but he is just being paraniod.
I have not had a UTI in over two months(knock on wood) and I am doing pretty well on the pill. I am starting to get a few hormonal jawline breakouts like I used to but what can you do. I had fantastic sex twice last week. No pain at all. I am not sure if it is the absence of an infection or that my bladder is just getting better because I am not flaring constantly or maybe it has something to do with the pill. Who knows and really who cares. I felt like I was back in college last night, it was great.
Then we made some Jiffy Pop and watched an awful movie. Fun times. I also made a kicking drink last night made of mad melon shnapps, pineapple juice and vodka. I am still thinking of a name for my new drink.
I have not had a UTI in over two months(knock on wood) and I am doing pretty well on the pill. I am starting to get a few hormonal jawline breakouts like I used to but what can you do. I had fantastic sex twice last week. No pain at all. I am not sure if it is the absence of an infection or that my bladder is just getting better because I am not flaring constantly or maybe it has something to do with the pill. Who knows and really who cares. I felt like I was back in college last night, it was great.
Then we made some Jiffy Pop and watched an awful movie. Fun times. I also made a kicking drink last night made of mad melon shnapps, pineapple juice and vodka. I am still thinking of a name for my new drink.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Buffalo/Niagara/Niagara on the Lake
Well we are back from trip numero uno. Besides the christening of my god child I pretty much wanted to hide under my bed the entire time we were in Buffalo. My uncle is the most racist, gay bashing asshole in the universe. I can't stand to even be around him. It is awful. My mom kept giving me the death stares becuase I kept arguing with him over his stupid views.
Niagara on the Lake was beautiful. I am so glad we decided to just get into the car and drive around on Monday. We walked around the town for a few hours and then went to the wineries. I think we ended up going to six wineries and we tried Ice Wine for the first time. Dessert wine is not my cup of tea but C loved it and we ended up coming home with two bottles of 60 dollar ice wine plus all of the wines that I picked out while we were there. I kept telling C that we didn't have to buy wine every where that we stopped but we all know how generous he is with his money.
I will have to say I was shocked at how rude people were at our hotel in Niagara Falls, CA. It was fun to go with C as he has never been there before but I don't think we will go back until after we have kids and want to show them.
That was our trip. I went back on the pill two days ago. I feel bad because they gave C at work a "fertile ring of hope" that his co-worker buried in Africa for him but after the Niagara Falls of a period I had on vacation I just need a few months off. That was the only serious bummer of the trip, I bled through everything one night and ended up wearing a pad and a tampon to the baptism because I was afraid I was going to bleed through and my pants were houndstooth black, grey, and white.
Niagara on the Lake was beautiful. I am so glad we decided to just get into the car and drive around on Monday. We walked around the town for a few hours and then went to the wineries. I think we ended up going to six wineries and we tried Ice Wine for the first time. Dessert wine is not my cup of tea but C loved it and we ended up coming home with two bottles of 60 dollar ice wine plus all of the wines that I picked out while we were there. I kept telling C that we didn't have to buy wine every where that we stopped but we all know how generous he is with his money.
I will have to say I was shocked at how rude people were at our hotel in Niagara Falls, CA. It was fun to go with C as he has never been there before but I don't think we will go back until after we have kids and want to show them.
That was our trip. I went back on the pill two days ago. I feel bad because they gave C at work a "fertile ring of hope" that his co-worker buried in Africa for him but after the Niagara Falls of a period I had on vacation I just need a few months off. That was the only serious bummer of the trip, I bled through everything one night and ended up wearing a pad and a tampon to the baptism because I was afraid I was going to bleed through and my pants were houndstooth black, grey, and white.
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