06/11

Our ten week appointment was supposed to be today. We were supposed to graduate from the RE and see our ob/gyn today. I thought I would be much more upset than I actually am. Nothing is perfect, you can't always get what you want, blah blah blah...

Girl's night is on Saturday and I have decided I am going to take them to the casino so we can play the penny slots before we do some game playing and drinking back at the home base. I think I am going to take $20 and then win a whole bunch so that I can buy myself a new desk for the upstairs middle room. The kitchen table just isn't cutting it and I do need some sort of storage up there for the bills and for my business. Chris has my old cabinet downstairs for his business. So Dover Downs, here I come to take at least $100 from you so I can buy myself a new desk. Be prepared!

My clients are totally off the hook. I just had a guy screaming at me so loud that the supervisor came in. He said he is a Navy vet and deserves not to be scrutinized. Sorry buddy, that doesn't mean a damn thing to me. I was probably in more danger today with your crazy ass in my office then you were half the time you were riding around in a boat. Get a job! Being a vet doesn't give you the right to live off of the government. You are younger than me for christ's sake and you are able to work. Piss off.

06/10

When I don't have a catchy title I am just going to go with the date. This heat is making me feel barfarific. Why in the world did I ever want to move down south anyway? I will have to say though I have been off all pain meds for a few weeks now and I feel really good. So that is one good thing that has been going on lately.

Chris and I are doing much better as of this morning. He is talking to me more about the miscarriage and we are both ready to try again next month. Now my period just has to hold out until next week so that we don't miss when I ovulate because he will be in Ohio. Damn body. Last night we did more of the "All about Us" book. It's really a lot of fun and interesting to see what things we differ on but we have the same answers on most items. No fights have broken out yet over it so that's a good thing(just kidding). I highly recommend it, we bought it at the airport bookstore and started it on the way home from Vegas.

I applied for three more jobs today. I am trying my best to let everything my supervisor says roll off my back. She went in on me again this morning but I am just giving it the big F you. As long as I do my job and keep the clients from calling her I think I will be fine. Peace out.

Buca vs. Eddy's Ice Cream

My oils came in!

My aromatherapy oils for my sea salt scrubs came in today. They are so concentrated it's hard to get a read on what they will actually smell like when they are diluted. Hopefully the dead sea salt and the almond/apricot oil will be in this week also along with the containers so I can get rolling.

I have bad ass cramps. Like knock me over and fuck me cramps.

Tic Tacs

Are seriously gross. I bought the new Chill big tic tacs are they are just nasty. I should have stuck with my goog old old ice breakers in the aqua tin. Those are awesome. Thats all I have for now.

Could this get any better?

So, Chris and I are both I would say officially depressed. Any day where I am sleeping until eleven and I am not sick is not a good one. We are both now wondering that if maybe we really aren't supposed to have kids because we are bad people with awful karma. I would have to say I am doing much better than Chris is but I am sure that is just because of the prozac that I am on. I wake up every morning wondering if the past two months really happened. Will I ever get pregnant again, and even if I do will I just lose it again? Are we really bad people? Why can everyone get pregnant but us, and if we never do where will we come up with the $20k to adopt? What is wrong with us? Are we truly undeserving? Why am I even working if we are never going to have kids?

I frigging hate my job, but luckily I do have at least one interview coming up on Thursday. My supervisor seems pissed about it, but at this point I don't care. She asked why I didn't take the position closer to home when I had the chance. I told her that this is with a different division so it's totally different. She is just mad because she might not be able to hire someone new in my spot. Even if this one doesn't work out, then I should have at least two more coming up soon.

Chris' goddamned computer shit the bed. Which personally I am not sad about so he can finally buy a new one but he is mad because he has to spend money on it. I am just so mad. Mad that someone even sad it was our karma to begin with that caused us to lose the baby. Mad that we lost the baby. Mad that people just don't get it.

We watched our good friends kids this weekend. We picked them up at a wedding and took them home in our car. All I could think was this may be the only time we ever have car seats in our car. I did fine, I love those kids and they were perfect. But poor Chris had a panic attack. I don't have trouble being around kids or pregnant women but again I am around them all day so I really don't even have a choice but to let it not bother me. If it did, I probably would have had to quit a long time ago.

That's it for now. I am just peeing on sticks daily to see if I ovulated yet so we can get the show on the road to start next cycle. I think I most likely missed it though while we were away.

WTF spotting...

Dear hooha,
Just leave me alone for one more week. I don't know what you think you are up to at this moment but the pink spotting has got to go. I realize that you are still sore from last month's activities but I need you to relax until it's time to get my period in the next ten days or so. Maybe you ovulated and that is the reason for the pink spotting which is totally not of the norm and if that is the reason then I am fine with that.

Thanks.
your tired brain