Another miscarriage

We found out on Saturday that our sweet baby stopped growing last week sometime. From the looks of how the baby was developing the RE and his assistant think we are looking at some sort of genetic issue which totally sucks but we will know for sure in three weeks exactly what happened.

My new RE is really great, I was crying in his office saying I wanted to give up and that I keep killing my embryos. He told me that my journey was like swimming across the Atlantic and that I am halfway there. No sense in stopping now. I just hope he is right. He is surprisingly optimistic about the whole thing and thinks it was a miracle I even got pregnant. He keeps telling us that this is a great sign because of my eggs were as bad as I am thinking I would not be getting pregnant in the first place. I see where he is coming from.

I was an absolute wack job when I came out of anesthesia today. I apparently was hysterically crying about how the d&e was basically an abortion and I can't believe I aborted my baby. I was also saying something about how I think my embryos are so bad since I was raped. I know I don't actually think that, but I have talked to my therapist about the fact that maybe I am infertile because of the rape. It's some whole blame thing.

So, I am out of work for a week which is nice since it is supposed to be such a gorgeous week out. I was off Friday anyway for the holiday so I am really only taking four days off and my boss is going to FMLA it and she is going to let me use my vacation time since I have SO MUCH of it saved up.