5dp5dt

or 5dp6dt since I still have no idea which embryo was used. I tested this morning...BFN of course. I know that it may still be too early to get a positive on a pregnancy test but seeing the stark white tests is getting me ready for the inevitable next week. I had to go in this morning for a E2/p4 check for whatever reason so I am waiting to hear back what those results are.

The nurse gave me a prescription for the ice burn on my arse so I am looking forward to picking that up and maybe I will get some relief. As of yesterday I started having panic attacks since I basically have no idea what I am going to do with my life when this fails. How do I even start to get over the fact that I will never have children? I actually had to pull the car over and take my socks and shoes off I freaked out so bad. The clinic made me promise I would continue with my meds until Thursday. I can't promise that, but I can promise to take them at least through Wednesday at which point I will be 9dp5dt and if its not positive by then its not going to be.