More kudos and some IF cleansing

I opened up our bi-weekly report and I received more kudos for having an error free case in September. So there you go, it doesn't mean much but it always good to have them in your file for when you go to a lateral interview.

I decided this morning after doing some meditating that I am going to give away my extra opks, most of my pregnancy tests, and some of my books. C seemed upset yesterday when I told him that I thought I wanted to give the pill a whirl again for a while. He really thought that next month I would say I wanted to start trying again and I feel bad. I am sick to death though of having UTIs, then yeast infections, the hormonal fibro/arthritis flares, and then at the end not getting pregnant. It's been two years and as I said before I am not ready to put my body through even more with the fertility drugs. I hate the pill but at the end of the day I will take some nausea over the bladder pain for the two weeks after I ovulate. Nothing is permanent, I can go on the pill and if it doesn't help I can come off of it. I think that people thought I was kidding when I said that we aren't going to just get pregnant. I can't just be off the pill in lala land hoping it will happen one day.

We did talk about adoption yesterday at lunch and we both seem to be on board, but of course we are years away from saving up enough money to have a decent emergency fund and then have 26 grand left over to adopt. The ultimate plan was to have one, then adopt one. Having our own just doesn't feel right to me anymore. I feel like I am pushing something that isn't supposed to happen. There is an adoption seminar in March that I think I am going to see if C wants to go to with me just so we can start to get our feet wet and at least see if we want to do international vs domestic. I was looking at one of the sites yesterday and clicked on the Vietnam adoption page. They had a photo journey of the orphanages, the buddha statues, and other cultural sites. When I saw the buddha though I thought hmmm...that is interesting. Of course they are not taking applications anymore right now for Vietnam or Guat. because of laws that are being passed. The wait list now for China is 2 to 4 years and they said that happens every time they hold the Olympics. So that does give us plenty of time to save up money.

In the meantime we are going to Niagara/Buffalo for four days at the end of this month and we are hitting Vegas at the beginning of June. I am super excited about that. I also have to call the local community college today to see if I can still sign up for the baking class. Fun stuff. I am also exploring the idea of trying to learn Spanish again. I took four semesters of it in college and got good grades but truly can't speak a lick of it and I also can't understand a damn thing anyone is saying which is funny because I picked up German with no problem and can still understand what they are saying and I took those classes over ten years ago.