I still don't have all of my drugs yet!

I called up the pharmacy yesterday and asked them why I don't have my trigger shot yet and they say it was never ordered. Then I call Medco and they say they didn't receive the order either. So my trigger shot was never ordered! I am starting to get so annoyed with all of this. My big meds teaching class is next Tuesday morning and Rosemont said the only way to get it for then is if the RE calls and orders it today. I have called the med ordering woman and my IVF coordinator. I am hoping they can get this solved by today or I am going to be even more stressed then I already am. They keep stressing how important the trigger shot is and how some people mess it up and how I NEED to have it for the teaching class. Once again they have dropped the ball with all of this. Of course in the end it could have been the pharmacy's fault or maybe it just didn't go through the fax machine. I am trying yet again to give them the benefit of the doubt but I am super annoyed.

Fuckshit!

Last Day of BCP!

The last bcp I hopefully ever have to take went down the hatch this morning! I so happy about this and I am praying that my acid reflux stops very soon.

Mood-wise, I am not doing so hot. I am ok at work, but that is probably because no one is around me. By the time I am done for the day I am so annoyed and moody that last night after fighting with DH, I just went to bed at 6 and took a nap. I could cry at the drop of a hat at this point over pretty much nothing. I am so anxious over my suppression check next Tuesday. I keep asking my ovaries to cooperate with me.

The work day is already half over so that is something to be thankful for! Now if I could just get my blogger background to change then all would be right in my world.

Mock Transfer

I woke up this morning and diligently drank my 32 oz of fluids so I would have a full bladder for my mock transfer this morning. I thought it would be a pain-free and easy visit. I was wrong. My bladder did not come close to filling so I had to go drink more water. I was brought back an hour later and it was still not fill. The nurse went ahead anyway and did the mock transfer. My cervix decided it was going to be a bitch also and it hurt worse then anything I have had done so far. She did finally get in and everything was fine. For the real transfer I have to start drinking water two hours early instead of one and she put some notes in my chart about my silly bladder and cervix.

Of course, 20 minutes after I left I was peeing my pants every five minutes for a half an hour. So, my plan is to drink 16 oz two hours before, another 16 oz an hour and a half before and so on. I don't want to be to the point of peeing myself on the way to Newark but I also don't want to mess up the ET schedule by not having a totally full bladder. For whatever reason it just takes my bladder longer to fill after drinking then most peoples. It's also not helpful that my bladder does not hold as much liquid as other non-IC bladders. Screw it though, at the end she got it in and everything was fine.

Weekend Update

Let's start with talking about Lupron. Holy fatigue batman. I was passed out by 5:30 last night and then barely slept because I was hot flashing. I literally woke up soaking wet at one point. All in all though I will take that over awful headaches and joint pain any day of the week. I only have three more days left of bcp and then I am praying that my acid reflux goes away! I have no idea what it is about me and bcp but the two just don't mix.

Saturday night was supposed to be my girl's night...but only one person showed. I knew two weren't coming because they called so that was all good. The rest just didn't call and didn't show up. When Chris has parties this happens often but never when I have my girlfriends over. I bought so much stuff for the party also and did my best to eat and drink everything on my own. I still had a lot of fun with B so it was all worth it in the end.

Martini sampling night with Chris was also entertaining. Most of the martinis we just took a sip and then chucked it. The only one I ended up liking was a Apple Cinnamon Cider Martini and Chris didn't love any of them. If you like spicy things, then I think the Pumpkin Martini would be good for you. Now I have a ton of schnapps left over and my liquor cabinet is overflowing!

Yesterday we ran to linens n things to check out the liquadtion sale. I would wait a few more weeks before wasting your time going there. 10-30% off just doesn't do much for me! We did get a great flannel sheet/duvet set for half off but that was because it rang up wrong the first time and then the supervisor was getting frusturated with it and it totally worked out in our benefit.

That was it! My mock transfer is on Wednesday! I still do not have some of my drugs so I am hoping they will all be in by the end of the week. I also need to talk with the nurse of Wednesday about the PIO shots and what they think about using the thigh instead of the hip. My hips hurt just to the touch so I can't imagine driving a needle into them. We of course will do it there if we have to, but I read online today that the thigh is also an option.

Phew...

The insurance/RE fiasco has been settled. Thank the lord, because I was about to have a total and complete freak out. The RE's office finally called me back regarding the approval and of course she said it had nothing to do with her, blah blah blah, they just wanted four extra things out of my chart. Personally, I don't care what they wanted and don't see how faxing four pieces of paper is that big of a deal but that is just me. I finally told her that it doesn't matter whose fault it was since it is fine now.

I start Lupron tonight! I am 95% excited, 5% scared. The needle for the lupron seems pretty small so I think I will be fine having Chris give it to me later. A friend asked today if this is the only one I give myself. It's funny how unless you have the box of meds you have no idea how many shots this whole process entails. You should see the bags and bags of needles that Medco sent me. I am begining to think I am going to need another sharps container. All I can think though is that it will be worth it in the end! Even if IVF #1 doesn't work, the RE is hoping for some good frozen embies that we can work with next year.

I found at least ten seasonal martini recipes for my party tomorrow night. Chris and I are going to give them a whirl tonight while watching The St.rangers. It should be a fun night!

Worn Down

I am feeling seriously worn down today. I just got off the phone with my mother who said I should be fighting with the RE's office right now. I just don't have it in me. It's not that I don't care, because I do but I am so sick of being pissed about this, crying, wanting to throw things. It will either work out or it won't. My family has been drilling that motto into my head for the past two and a half years and now that I am saying it they are pissed. If this cycle is canceled because of my office, then I will most likely look for a new office since they can't be trusted. It won't be the end of the world. We have already waited almost three years, what is a few more months.

My fibromyalgia is starting to act up again. My bcp is giving me wretched heartburn and I basically just want this week to be over so I can sleep in on Saturday. That's all I really want right now.

BCBS just told me that I "should" have an answer by the end of the day. I did call the coordinator and left her a not so nice message asking her what is going on and that the insurance company told me what the hold up was. Them!

And I thought I was worried last night

My IVF coordinator got back to me today regarding my questions about when to take the Lupron. While we were on the phone she told me that she hated my insurance company and that they red flagged me and were denying coverage for our cycle that starts Friday. I, of course start freaking out big time especially when she said it might have something to do with my age or that I did get pregnant on my own once. Once I relaxed a bit I called my insurance company. The customer service people couldn't figure out what was going on at first either. After being on hold for a good ten minutes they came back to me and said that my doctor's office never filled out the questionare that was sent to them a few weeks ago! I was livid. The good news is that they did get it basically while I was on the phone with them. The bad news is that my office lied to me about the problem and made me totally freak out over nothing. I am not too happy with them and at 3:48 pm I am still waiting for a call back so I will know if we can go ahead with this cycle or not. It is really taking all of my bitchy stregnth not to call my coordinator and call her on lying to me about the problem. If I knew it was their fault to beging with I would have been upset but not nearly as pissed as I was this morning. Fingers crossed that we find out something by tomorrow at the latest or I will be pushed off this cycle and it is the last one of the year. The next one we can do is not until freaking March!

I am a teeth grinder

My sister is one also. I always used to push her over or wake her up when we were on vacation and I couldn't sleep because of all the noise. Then Chris told me one day that I am just as bad as she is, it's just no one told me before. For a while I was even wearing a guard at night to help save my teeth. Once I started meditating before bedtime then the grinding stopped until last night. On the outside I am pretty calm about IVF, but I must freaking out subconsciously. I am going to have to try and do more relaxing before bed so I can try and get a better night sleep. I am sure the cold weather and my fibromyalgia starting to flare isn't helping matters either. So my plan for the week is to try and do yoga before bed and then do guided meditation right before I go to sleep and hopefully I will have a non-grinding night.

The good news on the meds front is that my Lupron and Follistim will be at the house today. Medco is out of low dose hcg so the RE needs to order that from somewhere else for me. I am thinking by next Friday that I will have everything I need which is a relief.

I still haven't done any work yet today so I better get up on that.

Lupron Session

I just got back from the RE where Rhonda taught me how to get the correct amount into the syringe and then where to inject it. All in all it doesn't look hard at all and I am sure Chris and I will be more then fine with that injection. I was also given my full schedule of what meds I take when which will be going right on the refrig when I get home.

Medco sent me an email saying that it is going to take 3 to 5 days to process my order. I am hoping that is not actually the case and am going to call them tomorrow afternoon if I have not yet heard from them.

I do not go back to the RE until next Wednesday for my mock transfer and that is the only appointment I have next week! Then the following week we have our big med teaching lesson and that falls on Election Day so we are off anyway.

It's slowly but surely coming along.

My Protocol is finally in!

Here is what I know so far:
I am currently on bcps.
I start Lupron on Friday.
I will be doing 300 of Folllistim everyday.
Plus a small amount of HCG.

He did say that the 300 of Follistim is a lot for someone my age but they think that I need it with the endometriosis. It might put me at a slightly greater risk for OHSS though so I need to keep a close eye on it.

Chris also gave his sample while we were there today. They will call later with the SA results and it will also be frozen. From what he told me, his volume was very low again. Oh well!

my pants fit again

This makes me ridiculously happy. I know that this will not last long since I start Lupron next weekend but I am going to enjoy my unbloated waistline for the time being.

I really can't get over that it is already Friday. I think we are putting in attic stairs this weekend as our project. After that is complete then the upstairs will officially be done and we will start on the basement later this winter. We do want to re-do the bathroom but it works for now and what we want to do with it won't be super cheap so we will have to save up for it.

Chris really wants to see Max Payne this weekend and it is playing at the drive in. A win-win situation for all involved. The movie is getting awful reviews in the papers so I may try and persuade him to wait until it comes out on video because I hate spending 20 bucks on a crap movie.

I am also loving the whole "Joe the plumber" situation. It gets better by the minute. He a)is not registered to vote b)owes back taxes to the state of Ohio and c)is not even licensed to be a plumber. LOVES IT!

Update on my meds

The reason I have not yet had a call from Medco is because they did not present my case at the IVF meeting this Tuesday. My file was in Dover since I had an appointment there that day and they were unable to do it. My IVF coordinator is apparently one step ahead of my worries though. If she can't get up with my doctor today then she is going to have dr. F come up with my protocol. This is all good in my book since he is the head of the IVF program. From what I was told before though I am going to have a pretty straight forward protocol for the first time so I am thinking they would both come up with the same thing anyway.

Since my Lupron may or may not be in by next week, the coordinator is putting a box aside for me that she has sitting in her office for me to take after my Monday morning appointment. I will just give her either that box back if mine come on time or one of my boxes back if mine do not. Perfect! She really does have her shit in order which is fantastic since it's one less thing I have to worry about.

Still waiting for Accredo to call

Let me start off by saying that during my other cycles I have never had a problem with Accredo(Medco's infertility department). When I went on Monday to my appointment and told them who I get my meds from the IVF nurse just cringed and said they have so many problems with them. The only thing I really need next week is my Lupron and that is not until the end of the week.

I am going to give them until tomorrow morning to call and then I will get on the horn with the IVF nurse to figure out what is going on. I am not sure if I am freaking because she was freaked that I was using Medco or if I shouldn't be worried since I have been using them for the past six months and have not had a problem. Always something to worry about it seems.

58 days

until my beta. LOL! 34 days until my estimated egg retrieval and 9 days until I start Lupron. I am at least hoping it will go by quicker when I start stimming.

Chris and I have done a lot of talking in the past two days about how many to put back. Our appointment regarding this is on Monday morning. I think that we are comfortable with the clinic's suggestion that if we have one perfect blastocyst on day 5 we will just put that back. If our embies are not as good of quality as they would like to see then I am leaning towards putting back two. We don't have unlimited funds and insurance to do this over and over again so the thought of putting back only one worries me a bit. If IVF 1 fails, then we decided we will definitely put 2 back next time.

All Clear

My SHG was all clear. I was so nervous last night that I would need another lap. The lap itself wasn't bad so I don't want to scare anyone, it was the two bladder infections I ended up with after.

My next appointment is Monday morning where Chris and I go for our consent appointment and freezing. I believe this is the appointment where we decide how many we are putting back and I know that the option is one or two. They prefer to transfer back one and I am fine with that for the first IVF as long as it is a good quality embryo.

That's about it for now. I just have to go pick up my prescriptions tonight and I think I will hear tomorrow about what protocol I will be doing!

First Appointment

We had our first appointment today and I think it went great! I go back tomorrow morning for my SHG and I should get a call by Wednesday afternoon on whether I am going to need surgery again or not. I am hoping not obviously, but if I do need it at least it will get done next week and I will still be able to do this cycle.

I am so thankful for our insurance and it almost makes my shit job totally worth it. We have to come up with the freezing money by next Monday but that is pretty much it besides co-pays. Tomorrow the IVF team will come up with my protocol and my box o drugs will be here some time next week. I have to give my supervisor all of my appointments tomorrow, I am sure she won't be thrilled but at least she has everything up front and worst comes to worst I will just start staying a half an hour late every day so I don't get too far behind.

BCP number one is down the hatch and we are on our way. I start lupron next Friday night to make sure that I supress. Yay!

My brain is hurting me a bit today

Thank god it's finally Friday! I have a huge headache and I think when I am done with posting this I am going to turn off the lights and meditate/nap, hopefully a little of both but no promises there.

The water heater has to get done tonight. The basement stunk to all high heaven this morning. We must have leaks underneath of it also so it's a good thing that we have it at the house all ready to go. That will be our night tonight, I am not sure if the bar is going to happen but time will tell. I think the biggest pain is going to be emptying it out.

The IVF coordinator has not yet called me back so I called my nurse coordinator and left her a message asking if there is anything I should be doing since I got my period today. I don't have a clue as to what the answer is so I should find out later today.

I was going to write more but I am beat. My fibromyalgia is starting to act up and I have not been getting a whole lot of sleep because of my hips. Damn cold weather!

10/09/2008

We have a lot of stuff going on this week. I called the IVF coordinator this morning to come up with some sort of time table and we will also find out when we our injection classes will be. Besides through my blog we are no longer going to discuss when we are doing what with people in regards to our IF. I don't mind questions if you actually want to know.

I have decided not to go back to school to become a paralegal. With the economy in the shitter and me having a secure job with a pension there is no reason to stop working for the government. I am going to go back though and get my masters in business administration. I am going to have to take three undergrad courses before I can start the masters program. I figure this is good because it will get me back into the swing of things with school and I should also be able to tell through them whether I will like the program or not.

The only issue I see so far with all of this is that it is going to be difficult to get a recommendation for an old professor. Two of my criminal justice professors died while I was in school so that cancels them out. I went to a huge school so I never had one on one time with any of my teachers, plus I graduated over five years ago. This weekend I am going to come up with a letter to write them and I will include my transcript and my resume and hopefully they can come up with something. I am assuming this may be a regular thing for them since the school was so big. We will see.

The other minor worry is that I won't be able to obtain school loans because of the ecomony but again we will see what happens. Worst comes to worst I can take one class a semester for now and just pay cash.

This weekend we are hopefully putting in the new water heater and then almost everything in the house will be under five years old. I am so excited! House renovations really wear on you after a while but again it was so worth it.

We are going to the bar on Friday night to see Burnt Sienna. Chris and I saw them several times and college and they were always great. We haven't been to the bar in so long so I am really looking forward to it, plus we have a long weekend which is always nice also.

Drumroll please...

Negative Beta! Shocker, right? She said that that pregnancy tests I took were probably faulty and that it was not a chemical pregnancy after all. I have to call the IVF coordinator this morning when I get a chance.

Still waiting

I am still waiting for them to call me back with my beta results. They will most likely be negative and then I will have to place a call to the IVF coordinator but who knows. I suppose stranger things have happened but I am not going to get my hopes up at all. But shit I wish we could just get this over with already:)

BFP, BFN, BFP....

I just need to stop peeing on things. The BFPs are so light and I know that this isn't going to work out. I just can't wait to get the beta over with tomorrow and then I will officially stop peeing on sticks.

Happier Topics

So I am not thrilled about the whole pregnant, not pregnant thing but who would be. I don't understand at all why this happened yet again. I am still waiting on a call back from the doctor to see what they want me to do. I am very happy that we are taking an extended break before trying IVF. IVF is just so final. If it doesn't work, you are screwed.

I had an absolutely fantastic time in Chincoteauge this weekend. We spent part of the time with our friends and part of the time just the two of us. It's a beautiful place and see the wild ponies was so fascinating. That is one more thing that we can cross of on our 1000 things to do before you die list. I have to go through it again soon to find some more local places for us to visit.

Today I am grateful for a lot of things. Let's start with the current economic crisis. I am so happy that Chris and I found our cheapo fixer upper four years ago. It's almost finished and our payments are still cheap becuase we did a fixed loan. We both have secure jobs and the only debt we have left are my school loans and the cars. All major positives. I have an awesome husband and puggers. I can't begin to understand other people's relationships because ours is so unique and fun. He really is the only person I feel 100% comfortable around on a constant basis. I might be the most infertile biotch on my block but I do have a lot of other things going for me. I am refusing to let this crapola screw with me.

#3 was not lucky

Faint BFP yesterday, BFN today. I go in for my beta on Wednesday but it looks like another chemical pregnancy. Some things just really aren't meant to be and since I have that mind frame I am ok or I have completely lost my mind and am in total denial.

10/02/2008

I can't get over the fact that it is October already! Oh my. We are leaving tomorrow for Chincoteague where we will be camping for two days. I am hoping it is a lot of fun. We are going with another family, but I already told them and Chris that we are going to do our own thing part of the time to make sure that we also have a good time. I don't think antiquing with a 2 year old and an infant is going to be the best idea ever:). There have been a few trips where we felt like we always had to go along with what the crowd was doing and it ended up sucking so I am going make sure this weekend is as fun as possible.

I am 8/9dpiui today. Trigger is out. I could fall asleep at my desk. I am going to puke my brains out. The heartburn is off the hook. The RE told me yesterday that I could shove the prometrium as far up my hooha as possible to see if that works. Um, yeah I don't think so. Then I will end up with the bladder issue again from the goo coming out. Since I don't have a progesterone problem to begin with and the fact that I took it for a week I have stopped taking it. If I am indeed pregnant and my progesterone is low I will start taking another form of it, but if it is fine then I am going to let it be. Hopefully I will find out in a day or two if this is all from the progesterone or not.

I have to get back to work since I am off again tomorrow!

Gag-a-rific

That's pretty much how I have been feeling the past 2 days. I am now 8 dpiui and I think I will test on Friday before we go away for the weekend because I think a lot of drinking will be involved during our camping trip. I just called the RE and asked them what they want me to do about the prometrium. I can't get that or the prenatal down for the life of me. I am just going to pick up flinstones on the way home and take a folic acid with it so I should be good on that front but I am not sure what they are going to say about the progesterone front. Time will tell.

That's all I have for the day. I am doing my best not to get my hopes up at all.