We are back!

Some of you asked where we were going in Ohio. Bumblefuck is the only answer I have for that question. I used to think that Delaware was boring but it is like New York City compared to where my parents live. The nearest mall is 45 minutes away, there is one grocery store, a few bars, and a Walmart. I heard the most interesting conversations while I was there. I heard a man in Taco Bell(the only eat out options are fast food) talking to his mistress saying it would all be a different story if his wife was dead. That was probably the best story I heard when I was there.

We did go see an Ohio State game while we were there. That was fun. We went to Hiney Gate and I had a huge margarita before the game. Casey and I bought buckeye earings and a necklace so that we would fit in with all of the crazy fans. The game was not great because the other team sucked but I am glad that they won.

I did read two books over the three days though so it was nice and relaxing, but almost way too relaxing. I can see why my mom doesn't like it at all there. I would be so bored I am not sure if I could take it. So that was the weekend, I am hoping next weekend in Chincoteague is a little more exciting than this weekend was.

I will have to say that work is a dream compared to what it usually is after missing a day. Before I left on Thursday I changed my voice mail to say I would be back on Monday. I generally have 25-40 messages when I come back and I only had 2! That in itself totally made my day.

On the reproductive front, I am a total moody bitch today. The prometrium is kicking my ass big time. I am 6 dpiui, only 6 more to go and then I think I will test.

09/25/2008

We are leaving tomorrow for Ohio! I am so excited to finally see my parents house and the town they live in for part of the year. The weather in Philly may screw up our flight plans, but we will just roll with it and see what happens tomorrow morning.

I am still trying to wrap my head around the sperm nose dive. I know in the end it doesn't really matter because we have plenty to do IVF with. It just blows my mind how much smoking can really affect things.

So I am 2dpiui today and only 12 more days to go before the beta. I am not sure if I will test or not yet.

Part 2

Let's just say it did not go nearly as smoothly as the first IUI. It was painful as all hell. I could not even go back to work because I was in so much pain. Chris has been helping me get around all day. Getting in and out of the car has not been pretty and neither is trying to pee. It feels just like bad endo pain. Not pretty. I did take some extra strength Tylenol and I am feeling a bit better, except now I think I am going to puke my brains out. That should be fun!

We also now have some male factor thrown in. It may have just been a bad two samples or maybe all of the smoking actually has caught up to him. We barely made the cut off for our clinic to do the IUI yesterday and we didn't at all today but they did it for us anyway.

I am going back to bed. Hopefully I will be fine by tomorrow so I can get back to work. Joy!

IUI part 1 is done!

I finally made it back to work around noon today after my IUI. Everything went smoothly, I made it to Newark in under and hour which is always a good thing. The waiting for two hours before the actual procedure was not a blast, but I found a lounge and I just relaxed and read to pass the time.

I was finally called back at 9:30 and was sperminated. I have to go back one more time tomorrow morning and then we just wait for the beta. The next two weeks are not going to be loads of fun taking prometrium twice a day but if it helps me not miscarry again then I will take feeling sick. This has been the longest four days ever getting up so early and then driving up to Newark and then driving an hour south to get to work.

I figure with three follies, good lining, and good sperm my chances can't really be less than 10% this month. It must at least be 30% with the three follicles, right? This is all going way better than I thought it would and I no longer have no hope at all that this could possibly work.

Do you have your collection cups?

hehe...that is what the nurse just asked me over the phone. You just have to giggle at stuff like that, I don't think we could make it through if we didn't. We are ON for our IUI tomorrow and then again on Wednesday. Woot woot. I don't have my hopes up that it will work, but I am excited that we got it done before we go away on Thursday and if it doesn't work then we will have one more obstacle out of the way to get the insurance to pay for IVF.

I am so curious to see what the SA count is tomorrow since Chris has been smoking a lot lately. Maybe a drop will be some sort of incentive to stop smoking. Who knows, but it's worth a shot.

Weekend in review and POM Juice

Friday night~ Our poker party went off without a hitch. I didn't have a blast, but I was moody so I am sure that had more to do with me then what went on at the party.

Saturday~ Monitoring appointment #1. One follie at 16 on my right ovary, but my lining was only 3.8 and the RE was pretty concerned about that. Krystal and I hung out, shopped a bit, and got pedicures. Just the thing I needed! The RE called me back and said that I had to go back on Sunday because my E2 levels were already at 647. I bought a bottle of the POM juice and downed that sucker since I heard that it could help thicken your lining.

Sunday~ Monitoring appointment #2. Two follies at 16 and 18 and my lining was 5.87! The RE was very happy with the jump and said that I would most likely be triggering that night. I was called that afternoon and said we were going to push it one more day and I would have to go back Monday morning.

We were unable to fit the water heater into the car on Sunday so that did not get done to say the least.

Monday~ Monitoring appointment #3. Three follies. 23,18,16 and my lining was at 8.9. I told the nurse that my fibromyalgia is starting to act a fool, which it usually does when I am getting ready to ovulate. She said with how things looked plus that bit of information she thinks we will be triggering tonight with b2b IUIs on Tuesday and Wednesday.

I will just sit here for the rest of the day sucking down POM juice and Green Goodness to get in my wheat grass and wait for the next telephone call.

Welcome to Italian Food

That is the class that I am going to tonight. We are learning how to make four different sauces along with pasta and some sort of fancy salad. It should be entertaining like usual. I took a break from my new found love of wearing heels today and traded them in for some comfy loafers since I will be on my feet for three hours tonight. I will let you all know how it goes tomorrow.

I am still doing good on the IF front. My ovaries feel like they may fall out of my body sometime soon which is a good thing. I could care less if there is only one egg this time, as long as we get this IUI done I will be as happy as a pig in you know what.

I do think that the clomid is making me lose my mind a bit though. On Tuesday I dropped of a netfilx movie in my town and then on the way to work stopped by the post office there also looking for an envelope that I mailed out 20 minutes earlier. I also woke up this morning trying to remember if I dreamed that Target called saying I had a perscription to pick up or if that really happened. The last ridiculous thing I did was forgetting to buy toilet paper for this weekend at Acme last night. That was the main reason I went was to buy stuff for our party and then I forgot the damn toilet paper.

I am running to Target before my class to grab toilet paper, solo cups, and to see if I do actually have a perscription waiting. We will see tomorrow which of those things I forget to pick up.

Italian Food...not so much

My class last night pretty much sucked a big one. The instructor was all over the place and he forgot to put all of the instructions for the recipes in our packets and the one chicken recipe was not in there at all. I made two different types of sauces and they were decent, but not worth the two hours it took to make them. Another group made fennel pork which they all seemed to like but since I am not a fennel fan at all I skipped it. A spinach/arugula salad with mango dressing was also made, which in my opinion was also pretty nasty. I threw the packet out when I got home because there was not a single recipe in there I would make again. One bad class here and there is not a big deal though! That will most likely be the last class I take with Chef Ed again unless it has to do with soups and bread.

We have such a long weekend ahead of us. I am still wondering how Chris thinks we are going to get the water heater home on Sunday so we can replace ours. It might fit into our car, but I am not positive that will work. I guess we could strap it to the top of the crappy car and hope it doesn't fly off in transit but I am thinking that is probably not the best idea in the world.

I am so tired! I am starting to think that my forgetfulness is actually due to my fibromyalgia and not the clomid. My stupid knees have been bothering me lately also which is just ridiculous in itself because they usually don't hurt at all. It could be the shoes I suppose.

Four days down...only one more to go

Then I will be officially done with clomid forever! Even if we have one and then want another the RE said we would just go right to IVF the next time around. I am getting ahead of myself here but it is a nice thought.

Besides crying at inappropriate times I am doing quite well keeping my emotions in check this week. The bloat on the other hand is not in check. Chris and I were laughing when I stood up from lunch today because I was so bloated. I was told that my face looked thinner today and Chris said that is just because my boobs are so huge that my body actually looks proportioned now. He is so sweet;)

My whole pelvic area is sore also and it hurt this morning leaning against the counter to grab a glass. I remember the same thing from last time so I am sure it is fine, just annoying.

Saturday can't come quick enough to see how the follies are doing. I am praying that we get this in by next Thursday morning! If not, for the next IUI cycle I am going to ask that we do it non medicated.

I am really starting to wonder lately what we will do if we never get pregnant. The house is almost complete so there is not as much to do on the weekends. I find lately that everything is just very boring. I guess if we never have any then we won't have to save up money and we can take trips together whenever we want, but then we still have Buca and Peanut so I don't think that would work. I am sure when I start classes up next year things will be busy for a year during the week. It just stinks, while everyone else is doing fun things with their kids, Chris and I stare at each other twiddling our thumbs wondering if it will ever be our turn. I mean you can only go for so many walks in one day. What in the hell do childless couples do all of the time, especially if you don't have unlimited funds?

09/16/2008

Today is day 3 of clomid, only two more to go! I have not noticed any side effects besides the fact that my bladder isn't happy with the hormones but what can you do. I also cried during intervention last night and I really didn't even care for the story. As long as I am not a raging loony then we are all good.

If things go as they went last time we did clomid then my trigger shot should be next Wednesday with the IUI on Thursday. That will give us just enough time to get our crap together and leave on Thursday night for Ohio. I did start clomid a day earlier this time so maybe that will make it even earlier. Time will tell. It will be interesting to see on Saturday how many follies I have cooking this time.

I am off to lunch with the hubby and Ashley. Christ I hope I don't start crying my eyes out over something stupid at lunch.

IUI under way!

I am finally back from spending over an hour at the RE's office this morning because they TRIPLE booked the entire morning. Why? I am really not sure but that is the first time I have had to wait there so hopefully it is not a regular occurrence.

I do not have a cyst->good news. The RE thinks that it is just endo pain coming back->not so good news. She said I need to get pregnant ASAP. Duh, thanks lady. After this IUI cycle I am going to call my RE and go over the possible choices of what to do before we start IVF. I think the options are to a) do nothing, b) go back on the pill to slow it down or c) have another lap. I am pretty much up for any of them, but if he thinks that getting c done will up our IVF chances then I am there.

Clomid for me days 5-9 and then I go back next Saturday morning in Newark to see how the follies are coming along. Here is hoping to them being ready by next Thursday or we won't be able to go out to Ohio, or we can and just do TI.

Holy ovary pain

I did get my period today. Another whopping 25 day cycle! The pain is that I have been having pain in my left ovary area for about four days now. It even hurts when I bend over, I feel like something not quite right is going on there. I have not taken fertility drugs since July so I should not have a huge cyst but that is what it is feeling like. I have an appointment either tomorrow or Saturday with the RE for my cd 3 b/w and u/s. My educated guess at this point though is that I will have yet another cycle canceled, but this time because of the cyst. I could be totally wrong but I highly doubt it at this point.

With only a less than 10% chance at getting pregnant I am not too upset this morning. Because really, Chris and I just are not that lucky in this arena. I have absolutely no hope until we start IVF that any of this will work. Oh well.

Tagged!

t.bird and Tarah have both tagged me this week...

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.


1. I was a level 10 gymnast and I competed in Nationals. I quit twice...the first was when I hurt my back and the second was when I broke a piece of my neck vaulting.
2. I went to 4 different colleges before I found my fit and some how finished in 4.5 years.
3. I make body scrubs.
4. I never owned a dog before I got Buca. Now I am an animal lover. We would probably have cats except I am allergic.
5. I love playing strategy games on the computer and xbox.
6. I think I may have forgotten to put on deodorant this morning, thankfully I keep spares everywhere.

I am tagging Jackie, Krystal, Jamee, theworms, Jennifer, and Krissy.

What Makes A Mother- poem from a nestie

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.

He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Author Unknown

09/08/2008

Let me first start off my saying my yard is gorgeous! I can't tell you how happy I am with the way that it all turned out. Everything is looking good so far, I think Hurricane Hanna really helped out the ginko trees. I am a little worried the Ruby Spices are dying, but then again they may just be wilting from the hot and dry weather we have been having all summer. I also think the crazy tree is good to go and the leaves are just starting to change color, not die like Chris thought last week. The heavy winds did knock over my swing, which in turned fell on a Chinese weeping tree so that's not good but time will tell on whether that lives or not.

We did end up going to Silver Springs this weekend to visit Danielle on Saturday. The trip there was not good at all. We stopped at an accident that we must have missed by 30 seconds where a woman was not wearing her seatbelt, the car flipped and she broke her back. We hopped back into the car after about 15 minutes when the amubluance finally got there. Here is some shit, Chris got out of the car first and I called 911. I was on HOLD for 5 minutes when I finally hung up because I saw a cop car coming to help. 5 minutes on hold, that is so unacceptable! Yet another reason why I love my town.

We didn't do much at their place because it was so incredibly shitty out but that didn't matter. It was a nice and relaxing weekend, plus we finally got to meet her boyfriend after 2 years. He is very nice by the way. On the way home we stopped in Annapolis for an hour or two to walk around. I have never been there before and definitely plan on going back again sometime this fall when we have more time.

Here is another thing that I never knew. We have another outlet mall 40 minutes from our house. Granted, it is in Maryland but I still feel like I should have known about this one. It's called the Queenstown Outlets and the only thing that it does not have that Rehoboth has is an Ann Taylor Outlet. I doubt I will go back there too often, but it is pretty much in the middle of Danielle and I so we are going to meet there every once in a while to go shopping.

I am back at the hell hole that I like to call work for the week. I have to go to the therapist today at 3 and I have been instructed by my husband to talk about the rape today since I have been dreaming about telling people lately about it. I actually screamed at someone in my dream last week but I can't really remember what in the hell the context even was. Weird, I know.

I have the absolute cramps from hell today so I am hoping my period is right around the corner so we can do our IUI this cycle.

More about the girls down the street

The girls came back over on Tuesday to see Buca and Peanut. I brought out one treat for each of the puggers and the girls asked if they were pretzels. The one girl told me her mom has no money for snacks because she spends it all on clothes and booze so she can go out to the bar. The other girls is in 7th grade and her reading level is one of a 4th grader. She was reading a book on my steps that was a 6th grade reading level and she seemed to be doing well with it. I am starting to think the reason they come over is they think that I am going to give them snacks. They haven't been back since I told them I didn't have anything for them to eat. Odd.

We are leaving tomorrow to go visit Danielle in MD. I am hoping the weather isn't too bad on the way there, we all know that I am not a huge fan of bridges to begin wtih so I can't imagine going over that one with heavy rain and wind.

At this point I am just waiting for my period to start so we can start the IUI cycle. Although if I don't get it soon then we are going to have to push it back another month since we are going away twice this month. I am thinking it is not going to work but we will see.

Buca and Peanut made friends

With the neighborhood girls. On Saturday three girls stopped in front of our house and asked to see Buca and Peanut. They always see us walking them but when Buca and Peanut are in walk mode they are in walk mode. They let the girls give them goodies and Peanut did very well. They came back again Monday and I brought them out front. Peanut laid in one of their laps and Buca was just doing his loving thing with everyone. This makes me so happy! They are finally starting to get used to having kids around, it's so fantastic. Peanut is still a little wary at first but by the second day he was all over it. He also seems more at ease if they know his name for some reason.

The thing that worries me is I am starting to wonder what parents are teaching their kids nowadays. We don't really know anyone else on our street besides one family and we only know the man's name and that is about it. These girls actually asked if they could go into our house. We of course said no way, but there is no way in hell when I was a kid I would have stopped at some strange persons house and asked to go inside. Jesus Christ. The second time the kids came over I cut up an apple for them to give the boys and they ate the slices I gave them instead. I do know that a few of them are my old client's kids but I don't think she knows who I am and that I only live a few houses away.

Everytime they leave the first thing I say to Chris is that we are teaching our kids to stay away from strangers. Since when did kids stop learning this?

I realize that I am not a parent and should not even have an opinion on this subject, but I do and if you don't like then suck it. :)