New Direction

March is right around the corner, it was also our deadline that if we were not pregnant we would go back to the RE and start IUIs. I am still going to therapy, meditating, and reading up on Buddhism. I realized that I do not like how 2007 went for me mentally. I was a wreck, I cried every time I got my period, I became bitter and that is not who I am. I forgot what was important and that is C and the pugs. The four of us are the perfect family unit. I am not ready to put my body through the ringer with fertility drugs. A lot of that has to do with my overall pain levels. I am finally feeling good after about two years of not knowing why I was in pain and what could be done about it. The medicine I am taking for the painful bladder problem is finally working. I can take vitamin C everyday and I had two glasses of wine last night and I feel FINE this morning. My bladder isn't killing me for once after drinking. I am not ready to give up this feeling of feeling good. I am not sure what that means, does it mean I don't want kids bad enough? I don't think so but who knows. All I know is that I need to point my life in a different direction and when we feel ready we will come back to actively trying to have a baby. If I get pregnant between now and then, great, but if I don't then that is fine also.

So you ask yourself what are you going to do now...well we are going to do all of the things we wouldn't be able to do if we had kids. We are going to travel, relax, finish the house, demo the deck, ect. In a month we are off to Buffalo for my godchild's christening and then we are going to go to Niagara Falls for three days. I bought the two 1000 places to see before you die books, international and USA/Canada to get some ideas of places we can take four day trips to. A few months ago I kept having weird dreams about being in car accidents and according to the dream analysis books it meant that I needed to make a major change in my life and I think this is it. Now that I am calmer I don't mind my job as much. If I am getting annoyed I just turn everything off and do a mini vacation meditation. I need to continue letting go and enjoying more. My therapist last night said I sounded very wise. I like the sound of that. I am sure I will have some setbacks along the way, but don't we all.