Friday, May 29, 2009

Miscarrying again

I found out on Tuesday that we were pregnant and my beta was 41, not too bad for 11 dpo.  As of yesterday my beta had already fallen to 33.  I go back one more time on Saturday to confirm the miscarriage and I am hoping my numbers will be around 15 or so at that point and the actual miscarriage itself will start soon.

Do we give up at this point?  Obviously something is seriously wrong.  Every time I manage to get pregnant I lose it, one m/c and 2 c/ps in the past twelve months alone.  A disaster IVF.  Maybe my eggs really are just shot to shit.  

Everyone keeps telling me this will make me stronger.  All infertility has done for me is...

made me lose my faith although I barely had any to begin with, made me fat, bitter for a while, lose my mind to the point that I was in therapy and on prozac last year(I have since stopped both),  made me question my worth as a woman, question my worth as a person because why can all of my clients get pregnant and I can't, and finally lose all hope that this will ever turn out any different.  

3 comments:

  1. Peachy, I can not begin to tell you how sorry I am. I hope you get the answers you need.

    That last paragraph really hits home. I was having a day like that yesterday. A day where I felt gross and like a failure. A day where I had no hope.

    But for all the bad days every once in a while a good one finds it way in. I hope you have one of those good days soon.

    ((((HUGS)))))

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  2. I am so incredibly sorry. I hope you can get some answers soon. You're in my thoughts.

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  3. i am so sorry...you are in my thoughts

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