07/15/2009

Ah, the familiar pains of arthritis/fibro are now becoming my friend again. I had to skip my workout this morning because I felt like somone was sticking a knife into my hip over and over again. Also, if this mother fucking headache doesn't go away soon someone is going to get it. I thought it may have been hormone related since it started up right after my d & e, but I am starting to think its a tension headache.

My follow up is tomorrow, not today. I guess I got the dates wrong when I was scheduling it. I was pretty out of it that day so I wouldn't put it past me to get it wrong. I called the RE yesterday to make sure the testing results are in, and they are, but the nurse wasn't giving up any information so I have to wait...one more day. My mom and husband are nervous for me to go myself tomorrow. I think I will be ok to an extent. The news obviously is bad, IVF w/pgd will most likely be our only option. I get it. Ugh. We still have not come to a firm decision on to IVF again or not. I am sure we will end up doing it again this fall just because we don't have the money to adopt so beating up my mind and my body through IVF is the only viable option we have.

Chris has an ulcer he is so worried about where will we ever come up with 40k. We basically refuse to go back into debt so he feels like its all on him to get a higher paying job. Plus all he has heard are adoption horror stories so he is worried we are going to end up with a child like the one on the Orphange previews on tv. (she has supernatural powers and kills people) Nice.

Let's just recap the past year and a half for a minute...2 c/ps, 1 blighted ovum, 1 missed miscarriage, 1 miserabely failed IVF, finding out our problem is genetic(possibly), 2 vacations that we couldn't enjoy because of the miscarriages/failed IVF, skin cancer and 7 surgeries to remove it. Somethings gotta give, right?