I am not in the most Christmasy mood ever, but I am not doing too bad. I have decided after our WTF appointment next Friday it is going to be a long time before I even start to think about what I want to do about our current situation and talk it over with Chris.
On to what I do want to do. Chris and I have talked about doing our trips to Hawaii and Ireland. I am even thinking of bringing up the Winter Olympics in 2010. I went to the Atlanta Olympics and it was such an awesome experience. Chris wants to move more towards Wilmington when the economy eventually picks back up and I have no desire to do that. I love my town, I love my house, I love how much I pay for my house on a monthly basis. In one of my bitchier moments yesterday I said that if we moved up there we might as well buy a condo because there is no point in having a bigger house. Chris said well we will if we adopt, but then of course we won't have money to buy a bigger house anyway. It's a catch-22.
I know this is going to sound selfish but whatever. I can't wrap my head around spending 26-30k to adopt. We just paid off 26k in credit card debt and I can't begin to imagine having that much debt again. Plus throw in the fact that with domestic adoption you might put out a ton of money only to have the mother decide against adoption and you lose some of that money. Years ago we researched Chinese adoptions but there waiting list is now seven years long or something ridic like that. How in the world could we afford a loan payment plus daycare every month? It would be so expensive. We would end up right back where we were a few years ago fighting all of the time about money and being super stressed out.
Here is my last gripe of the day. If one more person tells me to just ask my sister to donate her eggs is going to get it. Even if it is my sister donating eggs, it is still 10k to have her do it. She is only 20 and who knows what quality her eggs are. Maybe if she was seven years older, not younger and was a proven fertile mertile I would think about it. It's not like you can just wave a magic wand and take her eggs out.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!
New Glasses!
23 hours ago
i hope tomorrow is as happy as possible under the circumstances. take all the time you need to mull all the different options. and take in what the RE has to say next friday on what he/she thinks your chances are and what went wrong this time.
ReplyDeletetraveling sounds like a great idea (we'd like to do some ambitious child-free travel ourselves - East Africa and Thailand/Vietnam are high on our lists). enjoy it - and share pics and stories here please!
adoption is out there if it feels right to you in the future - you'll know when or if the time comes - and there's no reason to feel that is the path you need to pursue (for what it's worth, tho, there are lots of other countries besides china - i have friends currently adopting from ethiopia and kyrgystan who are pretty happy with the process) - but you're right it's long and expensive and is its own rollercoaster.
Right now the important thing is to take care of yourself. be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time.
thinking of you.
Mo
Hmmm....Travelling is great...go ahead with it! And yes, have a wonderful Christmas!
ReplyDeleteICLW
The trips sound incredible.
ReplyDeleteMy sister volunteered to have our baby for us, but she has PCOS just like I do. So with my husbands morphology problems it would be the same thing in a different body.