Could this get any better?

So, Chris and I are both I would say officially depressed. Any day where I am sleeping until eleven and I am not sick is not a good one. We are both now wondering that if maybe we really aren't supposed to have kids because we are bad people with awful karma. I would have to say I am doing much better than Chris is but I am sure that is just because of the prozac that I am on. I wake up every morning wondering if the past two months really happened. Will I ever get pregnant again, and even if I do will I just lose it again? Are we really bad people? Why can everyone get pregnant but us, and if we never do where will we come up with the $20k to adopt? What is wrong with us? Are we truly undeserving? Why am I even working if we are never going to have kids?

I frigging hate my job, but luckily I do have at least one interview coming up on Thursday. My supervisor seems pissed about it, but at this point I don't care. She asked why I didn't take the position closer to home when I had the chance. I told her that this is with a different division so it's totally different. She is just mad because she might not be able to hire someone new in my spot. Even if this one doesn't work out, then I should have at least two more coming up soon.

Chris' goddamned computer shit the bed. Which personally I am not sad about so he can finally buy a new one but he is mad because he has to spend money on it. I am just so mad. Mad that someone even sad it was our karma to begin with that caused us to lose the baby. Mad that we lost the baby. Mad that people just don't get it.

We watched our good friends kids this weekend. We picked them up at a wedding and took them home in our car. All I could think was this may be the only time we ever have car seats in our car. I did fine, I love those kids and they were perfect. But poor Chris had a panic attack. I don't have trouble being around kids or pregnant women but again I am around them all day so I really don't even have a choice but to let it not bother me. If it did, I probably would have had to quit a long time ago.

That's it for now. I am just peeing on sticks daily to see if I ovulated yet so we can get the show on the road to start next cycle. I think I most likely missed it though while we were away.